Dear Overstimulated Mom…
Dear Overstimulated Mom,
You are not alone.
You want to respond to your child with kindness and empathy…
You want to make it to bedtime without crying…
You want to engage in meaningful play with your children…
BUT…
There are sticky surfaces everywhere.
Your clothes don’t fit right.
Your children keep tapping you.
Something smells weird.
There’s clutter everywhere.
You’ve heard the word “Mom” at least 20,000 times in the last hour.
And now you’re irritable, exhausted, and two minutes away from a full-on rage clean.
Repeat after me: The way my nervous system responds to stimuli says nothing about my ability as a parent.
Before we dive in: If you’re in the moment right now, feeling totally touched out and in need of a break, click here to download my audio-guided meditation and quick info on what to do if you’re feeling touched out.
It’s an audio-guide straight from my signature program, “Sensing Your Needs in Parenthood,” with practical, effective strategies to employ in daily life, participate in your role as a parent, and experience the joys of parenthood the way they’re meant to be experienced.
What is Happening to me?!
Why am I so irritable? Why do noises bother me? What is overstimulation a symptom of? Why am I always losing my patience when trying to parent?
You are not alone. These are questions most parents wrestle with. And because you’re experiencing overstimulation as a parent, I’m guessing these questions pop up a lot for you.
Like every time you step in a pile of crumbs on the floor you just cleaned…
Or when you can’t have a conversation with your spouse because the sound of your stove vent is making your ears hurt…
In parenthood, we are inundated with sensory information. We respond to cries, we bend down to pick up the baby, we get toys thrown across the room, just missing our face.
Most of this household sensory input is unexpected and alerting. This sends signals to our brain that we are in danger.
What about feeling “touched-out”?
What does it even mean to feel “touched-out”?
Let’s talk about sensory processing (as an adult).
At its most foundational level, sensory processing helps keep us safe.
Here’s how sensory processing works (in a very small nutshell) :
We gather information about the environment and our bodies.
Our body responds based on its understanding of that information.
All day long, you’ve been inundated with alerting, unpredictable, emotionally-charged touch.
When our nervous system gets overwhelmed with this type of input, or has trouble filtering through it all to decide what it needs to pay attention to, it sends us signals of danger, which can lead to feelings of panic. Which makes sense, because if we actually were in danger, we don’t want our thinking brain to kick in. We need to react ASAP.
Yep, if you’ve ever felt like an “overwhelmed mom” or an “overstimulated mom,” it could actually be your body’s fight or flight response to sensory stimuli.
So something as simple as the microwave beeping can be the “last straw” in incoming stimuli, and cause us to jump, cry, or yell.
I’ll say it a million times…
Feeling overstimulated and having a reaction to that sensory input doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.
Your sensory system is overloaded, and you have to find ways to offload it.
Why am I feeling so overwhelmed in motherhood?
First, let me point out that this doesn’t only happen to mothers. Parenting is overwhelming.
There’s sensory bombardment on so many different levels in parenthood.
Noises from every direction, fingernails clawing at your leg as you attempt dinner, turning your head every other second to either check on your children or find the “missing” toy that’s literally right in front of them… It is a LOT to process all at once!
Here are some signals that your body might be overstimulated:
Struggling to carry out thoughts
Difficulty understanding what someone is saying
Feeling “jumpy”
Feeling the urge to scroll your phone
Quick to irritability, snapping, or yelling
Headache/pain in ears
Body feels heavy, tight, or tingly
For a full breakdown of what overstimulation looks like and how to develop a stronger, steadier relationship with your children by caring for your own needs, click here to learn more about my “Sensing Your Needs in Parenthood” program.
How to deal with overstimulation as a parent?
First, it’s important to notice what’s going on with your body. (You’re one step ahead… because you’re here!)
Next, we have to remember that your nervous system is morally neutral.
“Larissa, what in the world does that mean?”
I’m going to guess that as an overstimulated mom, your guilt has kicked in a lot.
When you’re feeling irritable because the house is a mess, and your kids are hanging all over you, so you scream for them to get off of you, and then spend the rest of the night spiraling into a pool of guilt…
…remember your nervous system is morally neutral.
Being touched out and hating loud noises isn’t bad.
It’s not good. It’s not bad. It just is.
When we attach feelings and emotions to the way our nervous system reacts, we end up doing more harm to ourselves than good.
Do you feel bad or guilty or full of shame when you have a fever? Of course not! A fever is your body’s way of reacting to and fighting off a virus.
Your sensory system isn’t any different.
Your needs matter.
Your experience is valid.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish.
I’m feeling overwhelmed! But just “taking a break” isn’t working.
What can I do when I’m overstimulated?
Go outside- this reduces echoes, making it easier to filter out and process the sound
Tune into 3 good sounds (like birds chirping, favorite music playing, children giggling)- shifts your nervous system from defensive to safety
Sing or hum to yourself- increases blood flow to the brain, stimulates the vagus nerve to calm your nervous system, and gives you one loud sound to focus on, blocking out the environmental sounds
Chew gum & dance it out- gives you regulating proprioceptive and vestibular (movement) input
Focus on your feet on the floor- grounds you into your space and your body
These quick tips will help take your body out of fight or flight mode in the moment.
But you need some foundational strategies in place that you can call on as soon as you notice your body reacting to sensory stimuli.
Ever heard of co-regulation? If you’ve been reading anything lately about parenting, you’ve probably heard you should be co-regulating with your child when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
But what about YOU?
You can benefit from co-regulation, too.
A calm, melodic voice.
Slow and steady breathing.
Calming & upbeat music.
A reminder that you are not alone.
And I’ve got some co-regulation right here for you!
When you’re feeling touched out, hit play on this free audio, and I’ll be there to help.
This audio guide is straight from my signature program, “Sensing Your Needs in Parenthood.”
Inside, you’ll receive more audio-guided meditations like this one, along with all the information you need to understand your sensory needs and how to move through them, even when under the stress of parenting.
If you’re inundated with stress signals, head to the bathroom, take a look in the mirror, put your hand on your chest, feel your heart beat, give yourself a smile, and remember…
Your body is doing its job.
You are not alone.
Your needs matter.
You are a good mom.
And I am right here with you.
